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BIG disappointment!

Posted : 6 months, 3 weeks ago on 16 April 2009 05:24 (A review of Killshot)

I have been looking forward to this movie ever since i first saw the trailer. It looked cool, exciting and brutal. Well, i got one right, its pretty brutal at times, but it never gives you a good reason for it.
Anyway. Before i start the review i have to say this: This is not the same movie that they had when they made the trailer!



First of all: In the trailer the couple is still together, but in the movie they are separated. Why? I dont know. And in the trailer we see that Johnny Knoxville is in the movie in what looks like an interresting role, but in the movie... Well thats the problem, HE IS NOT IN THE MOVIE! What!? Did they just cut out ALL his scenes? What a way to treat an actor. Or maybe he just relised what a pice of shit this movie was gonna be and demanded the remove him from it... Nah, i doubt that. The trailer also says "from excecutive produce Quentin Tarantino". I looked it up, he has nothing to do with this film.



Well. Enough ranting about the trailer and on with the film.
The film starts up pretty good with Mickey Rourke and two of his brothers as hitmen entering a hospital to kill a man. Everything goes smooth untill a nurse sees Mickeys little brother and when she is running away they all panic and Mickey ends up killing his brother. That is when he decides to leave the hitman business... Untill he gets another call and starts killing again. After that job is done he leaves to visit his grandma... Who it seems died a year ago. Its good you keep in toutch with your family. While he is there he gets car jacked and mugged by a kid and when it seems like Mickey is gonna kill the kid, we jump cut to a scene at a diner where they are talking like they are old buddies... What!? What just happend!? How did the kid talk Mickey out of killing him and to join him for lunch?



Anyway. While they are talking, Mickey ends up agreeing to help the kid rob a local real estate office. Why would a hitman need to rob a local real estate office you ask? Hell if i know, he never says. While they are robbing the place they end up getting the shit beat out of them by a guy there. After that emberrasing defeat Mickey decides he has to kill that man and his ex-wife (who worked at the office at the time) becaus they saw his face... Well ofcourse they will see youre face when you are NOT WHEARING A FUCKING MASK TO THE FUCKING ROBBERY! My god... This movie just gets dumber and dumber. Anyway. From there it is just alot of Mickey and the kid stalking them and never kill them while they have a chance.



This is the dumbest movie i have seen in a long time. It gets one pluss point for having Mickey Rourke in here, but its almost removed for him doing one of his WORST acting jobs of his career.

I give this movie 2 out of 10.

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Van Damme is back!

Posted : 6 months, 3 weeks ago on 13 April 2009 12:13 (A review of JCVD)

I am gonna start up by saying, i have been a fan of Van Damme since i first saw Timecop back in 1995. I might have only been 6-7 years old back then, but i knew right then and there that this guy was WAY cooler than any of the guys on the Cartoon Network and Fox Kids. Most of his movies was usaly rated 18+ so i always used to put a sticker or the price tag over the rating and have my dad buy it. Yeah, he was not that into movies so he diddnt know who Van Damme was.



Back then Jean-Claude Van Damme was the man, but as the years went by his movies just went downhill. Less and less people saw them in the theaters. Less and less people bought his movies and in the end people just forgot about him and the people that rememberd him, usaly rememberd his as a joke. And now, in 2008/2009, 20 years after his first starring role in Bloodsport, people now see him as a real actor. Why? Becaus of one little movie called JCVD. One of the most critically acclaimed movies of 2008.



The movie starts up with an impressive 3 and a half minute long one-shot action scene making this look like just any other direct-to-video Van Damme action film. Then you see Van Damme complaining about the scene to the asian director who basicly just tells Van Damme to shut up and do what he is told.



After that we see Van Damme returning to his home town in Belgum to take some time of from acting and think things over. He has just lost the custody of his daughter and his movie roles to Steven Seagal (he cut off his ponytail). When he is in Belgum he accidently walks into a bank robbery and gets held hostage, but the police and the public outside thinks it finally snapped for him and belives its Van Damme himself that is robbing the bank. The real bank-robbers however are a man that looks just like Sal from Dog Day Afternood, a big nerv-wreck and a Van Damme fanboy.

Now if this was one of Van Dammes regular movies he would have probarbly beat up the guys and saved the day right away, but this is the real Van Damme in a real bank robbery and we see a new side of the man as he tries to deal with the robbers in a real way.



I will not spoil alot of the movie for you, but im gonna have to bring up this: Close to the end of the movie, we get to see Van Damme kinda slide out of the movie as he is giving one of the greatest monologues in cinema history. A 6-7 minute long un-scripted, touching speech about his life where he is talking about his beggining in Hollywood, all his wifes, his long coke habbit and how hee feels about his accomplishments so far. It even made me, a long time fan of the man, look at him in a new way.



This movie ended up beeing my favorite movie of 2008 and i will reccomend it to all people that remember Van Damme from back in the days.

I give it 10 out of 10.





Wait! I do have one complaint. Not about the movie, but the terrible UK dvd cover.


What the hell!? Exploding cars? Men jumping trough the air with guns? helicopter? None of this is IN THE MOVIE!!! The guy who designed this should be fired.

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Jean-Claude Van Damme, Bruce Willis, Bruce Lee, Clint Eastwood, Simon Pegg, Kevin Smith, Seth Rogen, Nick Frost, Will Ferrell, Will Arnett, Jim Carrey, Ben Stiller, Jerry Seinfeld, Jason Bateman, Paul Rudd, Jason Lee, Robert Downey Jr., Tom Cruise, Colin Farrell, Johnny Depp, Timothy Olyphant, Eliza Dushku, Felicia Day

James D. Rolfe, Joss Whedon