All reviews - Movies (5)

The most disappointing sequel in a long time

Posted : 8 months, 2 weeks ago on 13 May 2011 03:04 (A review of Scream 4)

I... I don't even know where to start with this. I'm a big fan of the first Scream and i liked the second one too (mostly because of my man crush on Timothy Olyphant), but the third one was crap. I was sure this was gonna be better than that one, but it made the third one look like a masterpiece. What the hell Wes Craven? What happen'd to the master of horror? I was not scared a single time in this film. There was no suspense at all, just bad jump scares. The kills where all boring. People getting stabbed in the gut over and over again. Almost made me wish i was watching Saw 4.

Unlike in the first three movies, all the new characters where boring chicles that i didn't give a damn whether died or not. Hell, even the three classic characters where so badly written in this one that i didn't mind if they died. And this also topped the third one in the dumbest killer reveal in a Scream film. Everyone can guess who the first killer is at one point (here is a hint: it's the only person to get "killed" off screen.), but when they revealed the second killer i literally bursted out laughing. Even the monkey killer from the fake Scream 4 in Jay and Silent Bob was less ridicules than this. I could not stop laughing. It is the dumbest thing i have ever seen. Especially when the killer explains it's motive. I wanted to walk out of the theater right there.

I really hated this film. And i was so excited for a new Scream film too. I was hoping it could make up for the bad third film. I guess it kinda did. It showed us that it could have been way, way worse. Fuck this movie. I hope they never make a fifth one.

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Lionheart rip-off.

Posted : 1 year, 8 months ago on 17 May 2010 03:34 (A review of Fighting)

What a terrible movie this was. It was boring, had terrible fight scenes and it was starring one of the worst actors i have ever seen. I have not seen a movie with Channing Tatum in the lead before so i diddnt really notice him that much, but when he is the lead he just sucks all the life out of a movie. And when you first are gonna get a terrible actor in a movie like this, get one that can fight.

And that brings me to the part i hated the most about this film. It was just a big fucking rip-off of the 1991 Van Damme movie Lionheart. They are both about a white guy who lives on the streets of New York and need money, and one day he ends up in a street fight and get's noticed by a black man who wants to make money off this guy and talks him in to doing these underground street fights that some rich people sets up at various locations. It all goes well, but at the end of the film the black guy bets against the hero and asks him to throw the fight, but the hero refuses and he wins. Also in both films the guy needs the money to support a woman and her child that is about to be thrown out on the streets soon, only in Fighting it's just some random girl he just meet, and in Lionheart it's his sister in law and his niece.

All of those similar plot points are not just a coincidence, this is a fucking rip-off. It's like they wanted to do a terrible remake of Lionheart, but could not get the rights for it and just made the movie anyway. This movie just made me angry. It's so fucking horrible. Watch Lionheart instead.

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A great and underrated cop drama.

Posted : 1 year, 8 months ago on 10 May 2010 04:42 (A review of Until Death)



This film is great. Definitely one of Van Damme's best, especially when it comes to acting. I think his preformance in this matches, if not even tops the one in JCVD. He really shows that he can change his looks for a role here.

He starts up by looking awful as he plays a narcotics cop who is a heroin user himself. He also cheats on his wife with hookers, but she is pregnant with another man anyway. And he beats up people for info and other reasons, so yeah, he is a dirty cop. But after he ends up in a coma (i wont spoil how) for months and finally wake up, he starts to look a lot better since he has stoped with the drugs. That is some De Niro shit right there.

I really belive this movie was worthy of a theater release, at least a small one, so more people would hear about it and see it other than the usual action fans that rent the direct to video Van Damme movies. And most of them diddnt like this because it is really more of a drama film than an action film. If you were supriced by how good of an actor Van Damme was in JCVD, you should definitely check this one out, but see if you can get the Europeian cut. It is a lot better and has the best ending by far.

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BIG disappointment!

Posted : 2 years, 9 months ago on 16 April 2009 05:24 (A review of Killshot)

I have been looking forward to this movie ever since i first saw the trailer. It looked cool, exciting and brutal. Well, i got one right, its pretty brutal at times, but it never gives you a good reason for it.
Anyway. Before i start the review i have to say this: This is not the same movie that they had when they made the trailer!



First of all: In the trailer the couple is still together, but in the movie they are separated. Why? I dont know. And in the trailer we see that Johnny Knoxville is in the movie in what looks like an interresting role, but in the movie... Well thats the problem, HE IS NOT IN THE MOVIE! What!? Did they just cut out ALL his scenes? What a way to treat an actor. Or maybe he just relised what a pice of shit this movie was gonna be and demanded the remove him from it... Nah, i doubt that. The trailer also says "from excecutive produce Quentin Tarantino". I looked it up, he has nothing to do with this film.



Well. Enough ranting about the trailer and on with the film.
The film starts up pretty good with Mickey Rourke and two of his brothers as hitmen entering a hospital to kill a man. Everything goes smooth untill a nurse sees Mickeys little brother and when she is running away they all panic and Mickey ends up killing his brother. That is when he decides to leave the hitman business... Untill he gets another call and starts killing again. After that job is done he leaves to visit his grandma... Who it seems died a year ago. Its good you keep in toutch with your family. While he is there he gets car jacked and mugged by a kid and when it seems like Mickey is gonna kill the kid, we jump cut to a scene at a diner where they are talking like they are old buddies... What!? What just happend!? How did the kid talk Mickey out of killing him and to join him for lunch?



Anyway. While they are talking, Mickey ends up agreeing to help the kid rob a local real estate office. Why would a hitman need to rob a local real estate office you ask? Hell if i know, he never says. While they are robbing the place they end up getting the shit beat out of them by a guy there. After that emberrasing defeat Mickey decides he has to kill that man and his ex-wife (who worked at the office at the time) becaus they saw his face... Well ofcourse they will see youre face when you are NOT WHEARING A FUCKING MASK TO THE FUCKING ROBBERY! My god... This movie just gets dumber and dumber. Anyway. From there it is just alot of Mickey and the kid stalking them and never kill them while they have a chance.



This is the dumbest movie i have seen in a long time. It gets one pluss point for having Mickey Rourke in here, but its almost removed for him doing one of his WORST acting jobs of his career.

I give this movie 2 out of 10.

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Van Damme is back!

Posted : 2 years, 9 months ago on 13 April 2009 12:13 (A review of JCVD)

I am gonna start up by saying, i have been a fan of Van Damme since i first saw Timecop back in 1995. I might have only been 6-7 years old back then, but i knew right then and there that this guy was WAY cooler than any of the guys on the Cartoon Network and Fox Kids. Most of his movies was usaly rated 18+ so i always used to put a sticker or the price tag over the rating and have my dad buy it. Yeah, he was not that into movies so he diddnt know who Van Damme was.



Back then Jean-Claude Van Damme was the man, but as the years went by his movies just went downhill. Less and less people saw them in the theaters. Less and less people bought his movies and in the end people just forgot about him and the people that rememberd him, usaly rememberd his as a joke. And now, in 2008/2009, 20 years after his first starring role in Bloodsport, people now see him as a real actor. Why? Becaus of one little movie called JCVD. One of the most critically acclaimed movies of 2008.



The movie starts up with an impressive 3 and a half minute long one-shot action scene making this look like just any other direct-to-video Van Damme action film. Then you see Van Damme complaining about the scene to the asian director who basicly just tells Van Damme to shut up and do what he is told.



After that we see Van Damme returning to his home town in Belgum to take some time of from acting and think things over. He has just lost the custody of his daughter and his movie roles to Steven Seagal (he cut off his ponytail). When he is in Belgum he accidently walks into a bank robbery and gets held hostage, but the police and the public outside thinks it finally snapped for him and belives its Van Damme himself that is robbing the bank. The real bank-robbers however are a man that looks just like Sal from Dog Day Afternood, a big nerv-wreck and a Van Damme fanboy.

Now if this was one of Van Dammes regular movies he would have probarbly beat up the guys and saved the day right away, but this is the real Van Damme in a real bank robbery and we see a new side of the man as he tries to deal with the robbers in a real way.



I will not spoil alot of the movie for you, but im gonna have to bring up this: Close to the end of the movie, we get to see Van Damme kinda slide out of the movie as he is giving one of the greatest monologues in cinema history. A 6-7 minute long un-scripted, touching speech about his life where he is talking about his beggining in Hollywood, all his wifes, his long coke habbit and how hee feels about his accomplishments so far. It even made me, a long time fan of the man, look at him in a new way.



This movie ended up beeing my favorite movie of 2008 and i will reccomend it to all people that remember Van Damme from back in the days.

I give it 10 out of 10.





Wait! I do have one complaint. Not about the movie, but the terrible UK dvd cover.


What the hell!? Exploding cars? Men jumping trough the air with guns? helicopter? None of this is IN THE MOVIE!!! The guy who designed this should be fired.

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Jean-Claude Van Damme, Bruce Willis, Bruce Lee, Clint Eastwood, Simon Pegg, Kevin Smith, Seth Rogen, Nick Frost, Will Ferrell, Will Arnett, Jim Carrey, Ben Stiller, Jerry Seinfeld, Jason Bateman, Paul Rudd, Jason Lee, Robert Downey Jr., Tom Cruise, Colin Farrell, Johnny Depp, Timothy Olyphant, Eliza Dushku, Felicia Day, Dylan Moran, Tom Hanks, Jack Nicholson, Edward Norton, Robert De Niro, Sam Rockwell, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Kevin Spacey, Benicio Del Toro, George Clooney, Philip Seymour Hoffman, James Franco, Denzel Washington, Jason Statham, Matt Dillon, Al Pacino, Brad Pitt, John Cusack, Thomas F. Wilson, Anthony Perkins

Joss Whedon, Michael Mann, Tim Burton, Clint Eastwood, Steven Spielberg, Joel Coen, Kevin Smith, Martin Scorsese, Tony Scott, Robert Zemeckis, Edgar Wright, Sam Raimi, Joel Schumacher, Judd Apatow, Oliver Stone, James Cameron, John McTiernan, Robert Rodriguez, Ridley Scott, Mabrouk El Mechri, Spike Lee, Frank Darabont, Christopher Nolan, Richard Donner, Jason Reitman, Quentin Tarantino, Albert Pyun